New Roadsign: Watch out for uni-solers!

This weeks new road sign submittal features the standard issue stick person on a yellow background with the addition of a single shoe. I have wondered for years why road sign stick figures never have any feet or hands in the first place!?!? The addition of the single shoe clearly indicates that there may be single shoed pedestrians strollin’ across the street. According to the number of single shoe encounters I have had over the past several months, uni-solers as I like to call them are more prominent than anyone realizes.
-J. Snipes

HIGH WIRE ACT: Shoe-icide or simply shoes on a wire?

A pair of athletic cleats was discovered Monday in the early evening hours clinging to power lines in a suburban neighborhood. The matching pair of soles appeared to be lifeless and unresponsive to calls from local authorities. It is unclear at this time exactly how or why the shoes ended up stranded on the high-voltage lines. Lost Sole investigator and single shoe expert “Sarge” suspects something foul here…foul ball, foul play, foul smell. The self appointed expert is a huge athletic supporter and expects to solve this mystery at all costs. So far there are no reported eyewitnesses to this cruel, insensitive crime. -J. Snipes, Lost Soles Press

“Shoe Limit” Sign Latest Attempt to Raise Awareness

This week’s new sign proposal submitted by yours truly at a recent city council meeting aims to help reduce the number of discarded shoes found on roadways across America. A recent independent study suggests that the Lost Sole phenomenon may have a negative impact on our environment, especially in higher single shoe laden areas. I’m not sure what the single shoe situation is in your city or town, but I have discovered “hot spots” here locally where shoes just seem to end up for whatever reason. Is this a new sport, fad or pastime that I am unaware of? I’m suspicious of a new organization in town called the SDOA (Shoe Ditchers of America) that meets every Wednesday at the Moose Lodge (free spaghetti dinner) and is behind our local single sole outbreak. Unless we can convince the major shoe manufacturers to consider making all shoes bio-degradable, mother earth will continue to suffer at the foot of foul, unwanted footwear.-J Snipes